camcam getting stocked up for spring.

camcam i promise i'm not using him for his pasta attachment (probably).

camcam mrs. cia coming to you in 2026 💍

2024 journal entry
there's now a before and after in our relationship and i don't like it. before, it was good. i was happy to have a schoolgirl crush on this guy i've known forever. sure, there was the assumption nothing would ever happen with us, but i was content because we would always be in each other's orbit. even the jealousy wasn't a big deal. it didn't turn me into a monster. i didn't fantasize about yanking his girlfriend by the hair and challenging her to a cage fight (i would win). and to my credit, i wasn't a raging asshole to her. i was polite and nice. mickey and i got along so well. we were close. the after is all of this shit. wading through it with no answers. my anger is beginning to fade to a slow simmer, instead of a raging boil that bordered on uncontrollable. i've always felt anger and hurt are companions. it may be draining, but anger has its value. it's far better than...this. like someone scooped out my insides. i miss talking to him, more than anything. exchanging stupid memes, complaining to one another about our families. dad texted me earlier and said to call him and ma later, because they need to talk to me about something. normally, i'd just ask mickey if he knew what was going on, because his mom usually knows everything. the gretchen wieners of jackson heights. fuck, i miss him

2025
for the millionth time, cami looks down at her engagement ring. she's in the weekly staff meeting and her focus is far from where it should be; on the powerpoint her co-worker phyllis put together. normally, she tries to pay special attention to hers. phyllis is pushing sixty and self-admittedly tech challenge. so while the images and font in the presentation scream graphic design is my passion, she knows the older woman worked hard on it and she strives to be present. but as cami tucks a strand of wavy brown hair behind her ear, the winter sunlight filtering in through the open blinds catches a facet on the diamond, and like a cat chasing a laser pointer, she's all distraction. a goofy smile accompanying the slight tilt of her hand while thinking about the proposal. the location, the beautiful flowers - so many flowers. the "flores" sign lit up in neon pink...

never in a million years did either of them think they'd be here. despite the rough landscape of their past, they are. her phone lights up and just as she subtly reaches for it, an exasperated sigh pulls her eyes upwards to meet the amused expressions of her co-workers, phyllis included. "cami, would you like to tell the class what i was just talking about?" she asks, but her question lacks any real annoyance, only mirth. "um, your cats?" a running joke, because phyllis unabashedly and happily embraces the old(er) cat lady stereotype, often sharing pictures and videos of her three calicos. "not this time. but put us out of our misery and go outside to text mickey. i'll come by your office later," a knowing smirk on her face. cami's smile is chagrined and she mouths an i'm sorry as she grabs her phone then exits the small conference room. instead of texting, she calls. "hi babygirl, i was just thinking about you." mickey's baritone greeting makes cami grin as she leans against a nearby wall. "hi, fiancé. date night tonight..."